I know the title of this post is probably stupid, at least to you, but it makes perfect sense to me as I sit here, as I have since about 9:30 AM today. It's currently 11:02 AM and I've been sitting in my friend's house--awake and therefore alone--since about 8 something.

The calmness of the house is nearly overwhelming. It is a complete contrast to the way it was twelve hours ago, when a group of friends re-united from colleges across the country (and some from around the world!!) to celebrate the holidays in the same way they have been doing since ninth grade. Food was eaten, pictures were taken, gifts were exchanged (and of course during all this food was being eaten!) games played...it was an all-around good time.
Everyone ditched within half an hour...well those who could drive during the biggest Ice-storm fakeout of 2008 that occurred last night. That means everyone but me...

I know this sounds ridiculously sappy, and it is, but coming from me it must mean a lot if I'm going to go into the Cliche Archives: It warms my heart a bit to think about the house I'm in right now. I'm sitting at the kitchen counter, all of the comforts of a friendship and a family around me, and I'm hit with this house as an analogy.

Ready for it? Well, here it goes:

This house has been here for a long time, although some of the elements in it are newer than others. I can remember just this past summer, when this kitchen was "under construction" and every time I'd be over, things looked different. Through all that mess, this house was (and, thankfully is) still standing and serving its function.
This core group of friends that I have mentioned has been here for some years now as well. When we started, I think it is VERY safe to say that all of us were in different situations and phases in our lives than we are now. It's only natural that the 14-year-old High school freshman grows up and goes to college. We've all been to different schools, through different experiences, and talked to each other and shared tough times over the years; but just like this house is still a house, my friends... they are always going to be my friends.

I wasn't always so sure of that, and trust me, this little scenario of mine that I presented above has been tested and tried...but it still holds true,and it will. Come Hell or High Water, family crisis or great news, time-consuming relationship or loneliness....

I LOVE MY FRIENDS! Merry Christmas and Christmas Eve!!

Mr. Fox: *Singing*: "...and a Happy New Year!"

After going back and forth about it in my mind, and debating it over and over (ok, it wasn't that laborious to decide, I'm just LAZY), I have decided to post again.

Now, what to say? hmm, we haven't pulled out our good friend Mr. Foxy for a while!!

Mr. Fox: *is half asleep* Huh...? What? Why hast my Queen summoned me hither to this short-grassed green?
Me: *giggles* Thou dost snore distinctly, there's meaning in thy snores...
Mr. Fox: *still half asleep* What? I didn't say anything...nothing out of the ordinary *shifty eyes*
Me: oh, nothing, you just quoted Shakespeare's "The Tempest", and then I did too
Mr. Fox: (interrupting)--So THAT would explain the uncontrollable giggling on your part
Me: Maybe...*my turn to do a shifty-eyed look*
Mr Fox: But seriously, why did you wake me up? it's friggin' 12 am. More importantly , why aren't YOU already asleep?
Me: no reason, really, I just couldn't think of anything to say on my LJ post.
Mr. Fox: oh, ok, so the usual. *Becomes highly annoyed* SO YOU HAVEN'T EVEN MENTIONED me since the SUMMER, and then you DRAG MY ASS out here at STINKING MIDNIGHT, just to use me as the little mood icon and plot device that I am... *turns away, head down* (softly) ha, "the usual"...
Me: I'm sorry, but I bet that doesn't cut it.
Mr. Fox: *glares at me, arms crossed*
Me: Then how about I cut us both a deal--I'll end this rant, and you can go back to sleep, and I can go to sleep and stop keeping you up. And when I return to LJ again, I will think of a way to work you into my posts more often and at hours that work better for you. How's that sound? *Extends a hand for the shaking*
Mr. Fox: *Eagerly grips my hand with his paw, and shakes* You've got yourself a deal, m'am. Goodnight then, and I HOPE to be hearing from you soon!
Me: ok, okay, you will. Goodnight, Sir Foxy.

(Exeunt)

Happy Thanksgiving to all, and to all yes, you too Mr. Fox, a good night!

Right now I'm listening to Blink 182's song "Anthem, Pt.2" from one of their really old and really good albums. This song talks about how all of the youth are messed up because of the decisions of the adults and the rest of society around them. The opening line, which gets repeated during the build towards the end of the song, is "Everything has fallen to pieces".

This line got me to thinking. With the economy in the crapper, global warming, the war STILL going on, me being AWAY at college (FINALLY), my same-old-same-old mental issues, and the regular young adult dramatic balance of school, friends, dating, and family, I am trying to somehow keep a tally of which of the above is something good or something bad--which has essentially "fallen to pieces". Then the questions arise: which can I rebuild? Which should I rebuild? Which are worth the time and effort to rebuild? Am I working on building the wrong things in my life? If something isn't already in pieces, is there something else that I need to tear down, because it's harmful? Is some part of my life, or myself, too far gone, past the point of ruin, that I need to let it go?

The short (and cop-out) answer is that at the moment, I don't know. I would need to actually make that list of everything in my life that I do--relationships, friendships, how I spend my time, my grades and schoolwork, how informed I am on current events, the way I treat people, the way I treat myself--and much more, and then go item by item and answer each of the above questions.

Or maybe life is a practicum class. Instead of doing busywork, I should memorize the QUESTIONS, and then when life throws something new at me, I can evaluate it and the rest of my life at that period of time with those questions. I think THIS is the more reasonable and plausible answer.

(I mean, you know how long that list would TAKE?!) :-P

Today I woke up at a reasonable hour, 8 something actually. It's now 3:10 pm and I'm watching a rather interesting episode of the Dr. Phil show. It involves a man and his family of 7 children who live in a filthy house with no utilities--no water, plumbing, or heating. He has no steady career and has tried a laundry list of various odd jobs over the years, but believes that everything he has done and is doing is "guided by the Lord".

Not a bad belief, in fact a rather admirable one... but if you think that God's telling you to be a PGA Golfer (he tried that, unsuccessfully) or sell a spray for your liscence plate that blocks it from red light cameras (he does that, or tries), then maybe you need to check your edition of the New Testament. Not to mention the neglect and mistreatment that this man gives his wife and children; Jesus is the embodiment of divine love and values human life. I don't see malnourishment and discomfort in His plan.

As Dr. Phil mentioned on today's show, when interpreting Scripture, you can't pick and choose which parts you follow. The man on today's "Dr. Phil" show blatantly picked out parts of the Gospel that favored him sitting back and coasting through life, waiting for some "sign" from God to direct his life. If you're going to live it, better read it.

That's about all I have to say.

~Croozer, who is shocked by how ...ignorant some people can be.

The boredom of summer lead me here. That, and the unfruitful search for my friend's blog. So here I am. Not that I mind it. I really have nothing better to do with my time. I woke up at 2 pm today, after going to sleep after 2 am this morning, and I've done nothing but eat a bowl of cereal and surf the Internet in my pajamas since I decided to roll out of bed. At least I'm home alone, so no one can fuss at me for this.

I may be home alone, but not for long. In about two hours, people will start coming home from work. They have jobs, important, constructive things to do with their day. That's a whole lot more than I can say for myself anymore.

This current lifestyle of mine is bothering me, especially since it gives me no leg to stand on when I ask for stuff. All I do is sit around the house and how dare I ask to go out, or ask for a ride to a friend's house! That bugs me too, that I still can't drive... "Croozer", ha! What kinda optimistic crap was I thinking years ago? Oh well, this rant isn't helping me or anyone else.


Not that I get any readers.
~Croozer

The yellowish light of table lamps
And the chandelier over the dining room table
--the one that never gets used--
Set a drab mood for this scene...

The click-clack-jingle of dog
Claws and the tags on their collars
As they walk,
Licking pork marinade from the kitchen floor--

--that and the Dave Matthews song
Playing in my right earphone

They are the soundtrack.

But what is the script?
And where are the players?

My friend, take a good look around you.
NOW.

Wherever you are, THAT
is your stage, to act upon, to put your emotions on display.
Now,
close your eyes.
Just do it. I promise, no one is watching you as you do this.
So,
now that you have walled
yourself off from the
DISTRACTIONS of this world, the various

sights-noises-smells-sensory alerts-flavors-thoughts

that can complete or ruin any given fraction of
a second by taking your attention
and calling it away, screaming

LOOK AT ME!!!
You can stop and hone in on a few of
them, one at a time, slowly..
Unfolding them slowly, with fear
with awe.

Let's start with
Sound...
Whatever you hear
While you are standing/seated on the stage
I have informed you that you are on is your soundtrack.

Do you Feel anything while listening?
A tingle on the back of your neck?
A knot in your stomach?
Tears in your eyes, or the stifling of laughter....?

OPEN YOUR EYES.
...look around.
Put it all together, the sight, the sound, the feeling.
My friend, YOU are the player.
All of life is a play--
--no auditions! This is it!
and all the world
Truly IS a stage.

The best we can do, then
is to make sure our speech is UNscripted,
our actions NOT acted,
and that we give our star performance
Until the curtain falls.

Besides this silly poem I write
I did nothing of any worth
Today, the day before, last night--
My life has been a waste since birth.
Not like the whole thing has been bad.
Just that I've never had the chance
To save the starving, sick, or sad.
No deeds of great significance
Have been completed by my hand.
Although a personal victory has been won:
For the first time today I took a stand.
A vow to love myself has just begun!

While others see me and will not take note,
I'm my own hero, for this poem I wrote.

When I was young, though I still am to some,
The things that troubled me were not that much.
Each new day was looking to become
An adventure, although no hand could touch
The ship I sailed, nor see the shore ahead,
No one but I could smell the salty air…
Without the shadow of life to be led,
I turned my head away from storm clouds there.
The winds they came and rain fell, too, with age
Lightning flashed followed by roars of thunder,
As surely as I write upon this page
I grew up—my cheerful ship went under.
Then suddenly the final gale winds came;
A ship wrecked sailor never is the same.

My Job, Writing,
My dogs, Seeing how silly I am in this blog,
My friends, The few rare times I look good in a photo,
Music, Movies,
The starting semester, Shopping,
Drinking Soda, Dancing around my house when no one's home,
Laughing, Reading, a good book,
Acting goofy, =P Sleeping in

All of the above are just a handful of things that make me happy. I really am looking forward to school--I have been sitting at home bored for way too long. It will be good to have some routine back in my life, and keep busy.
Speaking of keeping busy, I have about a million and one things to do around the house!
So long! ~Croozer

That's actually false advertising, today's blog title.... I really really like my job at the bookstore. (I was mostly just trying to see if the computer would let me put underscores in the "Title" field.. I can.) But yeah, even though I overslept by an hour, I still made it to the bus stop in time to wait in the August heat for half an hour for the bus to come. Luckily, even after switching buses at the Station, I made it to the bookstore at 8:45, when I was afraid I'd be there AFTER 9.
Man, stocking textbooks and stuff really makes me wanna read, even though these aren't courses I'm taking this semester. Some cool stuff I came across:
History of Rock'n'RollAnthology of World LiteratureNight by Elie Wiesel (sad but good)Ancient History (several different books)Worldwide comparative Gov'ta book on Third World developmentsome of the Women's Studies stuffEVERYTHING BIOLOGY!!!I'm pretty sure even with my 15% discount I can't buy textbooks for leisurely reading. *Darn it*
Plus the people I work with are really nice, and I get a 15 minute break even though I only work 9-2. Ringing register's cool too.... Oooh! oooh!! And I LOOOOOOOVE using the computer to look up books people need, but I'm kinda slow at it.

*.......................* (long pause indicating me thinking if there's anything else worth noting).
Not really, but I did update my profile on here... Check it out!
~Croozer